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Somebody is sitting
right now in an office
at Domino Recordings,
bent double, tears
streaming down their
face and rubbing £100
notes all over
themselves – probably.
Well, wouldn’t you if
you had signed the band
that is pretty much
guaranteed to be the new
Oasis. The band that
will land a top five
single from now until
eternity, no matter how
good, bad or otherwise
that single might be?
Of course you would, and
you’d deserve it. Arctic
Monkeys are already the
biggest band in Britain
with a grand total of
ONE single to their name
and another limited
single that commands
three-figure sums on
EBay.
But while other bands
re-hash early singles in
the hope of further
success, Sheffield’s
finest have no need
whatsoever to dig up the
past. They have produced
a debut album so full of
stick on hits that they
will have no need to
wheel out Fake Tales Of
San Francisco ever
again.
Damn, this record is so
brilliant that not even
Bigger Boys And Stolen
Sweethearts has
warranted inclusion,
relegated instead to a
mere b-side.
If none of these song
names mean anything to
you, God Bless you –
you’re about to be
introduced to the most
important band in your
life.
Because Arctic Monkeys
will be everyone’s
favourite band, at least
for a while. It is
impossible to resist the
cheeky charm of Alex
Turner’s ingenious
musings on Northern
life. And we at Manilla
don’t use the word
genius lightly; this
19-year-old is a modern
poet.
Never mind junkie
Doherty’s pish about
fucking forever and what
Katie did next. Who
gives a fuck, what we
want to know is why
birds give us the eye
across a dance floor all
night, only to laugh in
our face when we offer
them a drink.
We want to know what it
is that makes bouncers
refuse us entry to clubs
for no reason, and why
they always manage to
spot us when we switch
jumpers and try again.
We want to know about
older lads that pinch
our birds and why we
never noticed how damn
sexy school uniforms
were until it was too
late.
We want to hear that
it’s not only us that
turns up late and blames
it on the traffic, that
we’re not the only ones
whose friends sometimes
embarrass them.
This, Pete Doherty, is
what we want.
Musically, Arctic
Monkeys are not going to
threaten the crowns of
The Stone Roses, there
are better musicians out
there. There are better
looking bands out there.
But what there isn’t, is
a band that, together,
make up something so
spectacularly special,
so life-changingly
essential as this.
Even if you already have
all the downloads, buy
this record. Because
cult status is for
pussys.
This band are huge. Deal
with it.
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